Self-love

 

I woke up at Saturday morning completely disgusted with myself. I was in that stage where you are sluggish, tired and impatient.

            I was drinking with my boyfriend the other night and I drank too much, ending up in a huge scene where I was crying and hating myself for not being perfect. For not waking up early, for not being the perfect partner, for not being a better version of myself.

            Then I started to flip through my sketchbook and I was looking at my old art (2017 is not that old, but still) and I began crying even more, because I was sad that my 17 y.o. ass hated everything she was. I realized I am actually proud of where I am now.

I have learned that three years ago I was a completely different person. I did some stupid stuff back then. I drank a lot, smoked a lot and I was hanging around toxic people.

In 2019 I realized that I am worth more than that. I am more than a one-word text, more than casual sex and more than MAYBE. That year I was like: „Bring it on, I am going to fall in love with life no matter what you throw at me. I am a fucking wife, a fucking keeper, someone who you introduce to your parents and someone who you show your friends and I want someone who will treat me exactly like that“ and I found him.

            What I want to say is that it is never too late to start loving yourself and change for the better. It is never too late to find yourself. Also, life is hard and hits when you least expect it. On those days do what you love. Sit down and journal. Go out and run or just lay in bed. Whatever you want, because in the end you have to pick up yourself.

            From now on I am going to fall in love with myself even more and you should do the same and remember that no matter the circumstances you are always ready to change.